Back to 'School'

Today is Aidan's first day back to Cabena Occasional Care, where I send him once a week for 3 hours to play and interact with other children. It's like a playschool, preparing him for next year's pre-School where he'll be attending for 2 days a week at Wayburne.

He didn't like it at all last term, and I was nervous this morning sending him there and how his reaction will be. Mostly it's because he has never been away from me, and all the more since the holiday season we spent even more time together.

I thought it will improve. He has been cool about me going off to work. He said 'bubye', 'c ya' and even gave me kisses when I left for work. It'a a vast improvement from crying everytime I leave for work last year, and even have to tiptoe out of the door when he's not looking.

I thought wrong. We hardly even entered the gates, he started to notice where we were going, and before I opened the door to go inside the building, he was already starting to fret and pulled me back. I had to force-carry him in, and by then he was full of tears.

I stayed with him for a while, spoke to the carers, and they were very supportive. I have to persevere if I want to give him independence. All the time he was hanging on to me, afraid that I'll walk out. After 15 minutes or so, I decided that I have to make it happen. One of the carer, took him, he wailed with buckets of tears in his eyes, and it wrenched my heart out.

I had to do it. I had to walk away, barely paying attention to anything else after that, and it's such an amazing feeling that by only thinking about him and the way he looked at that moment, it took my breath away. And then I realized, I wasn't paying attention to the traffic. And I was driving. I was lucky enough not to have an accident.