Guilty

Didn't really go out today.

Stayed home in the morning and do some housework, till dad in law came at 11am, and then we went to his dad's place for a visit, and out to lunch.

Self note, have to clean up the house tomorrow, so filthy dusty! Don't know where all these came from!

Before I put Aidan to bed, I asked him if he wanted to poo as for the past couple of days, he will ask to go to the toilet while we are already in bed. He shook his head. Fine.

Many minutes later, I was already in cloud nine, and he said poo. Usually I'll ignore him until he repeated a few more times just to make sure he really wanted to go. Then I sensed that he was straining. He poo-ed in his nappy.

I didn't know how it happened, but I just snapped. I smacked his bottom hard, and he got a shock and started crying. I told him to keep quiet but of course, he started crying louder. I smacked him again. You can guess hell got a little loose.

I changed him and everything and just plonked him back onto the bed and made him sleep. After a few good minutes, guilt started creeping in to me. I felt so bloody bad. He was OK by then and was even chatting normally again.

And for the remainder of the day I felt like crap, even when at work. What was I thinking? He's just a baby! I really, really felt crappy.

Came home from work and gave him extra kisses. That won't make anything up, but I know I have to keep my temper in check.

Crap.